Tuesday, August 31, 2004
*nurul
i was disgusted by a lot of things today. just too manyyy. =/ i cant take it. it was just too OVER the top for me. -frowns. forgeddit it. why even bother thinking bout it.
#1 lesson learnt:
pms is really a very intriguing, scary, unpredictable, extreme feeling or behaviour. it can make someone really hyper, really depressed, really impatient and not only that, it evokes a lot of emotions too. no one can stop it. rarely anyone can avoid it. even guys get it. [just dat its not called pms. durhh.]
today itself i witnessed a display of an extreme showcase of pms-ing. haha. di totally freaked out and burst into tears. she was so frustrated and pissed off. that she just burst into tears. little did i expect her to do that. it was rather hilarious. in a silly way. that silly girl. it seriously must be that time of the month. cuz she's been hysterically crazy? weirded out? these few days. definitely more angsty. haha. and den at the end of the day she will feel bad and ask me "am i still your bestie? after freaking out on you a million times today...." hahaha. she'll always be my bestie. (:
life's just so unpredictable. there's really no other adjective for the stuff that happened to me since last week. life has taken such an unpredictable turn. but now i realise of how through all the scrapes and falls, i've learnt some very valuable lessons. how to appreciate people more. how to cherish them more. to give chances. to take chances. to risk everything. i've mellowed. change. matured. grow up. -beams. no wonder they say patience goes a long way.
however when i came home. i was feeling so damn frustrated. with everything. i wished that life was much easier. i wished that i could do things that i lurfe. not to be forced into doing things. just cuz thats wad everyone is doing. its just irking me out. to force myself into doing things i DONT want to. disgusting.
seriously. wads the point of studying so hard? the only purpose i'm doing it is cuz i wanna lead a comfortable life when i grow up. to be able to do the things i like, to be able to buy things that i like, with no contraints of money. and also to do my parents proud. so that they can say it with pride that they have a successful daughter. thats the least i can do to show my gratitude for bringing up sucha nonsensical daughter like me all these while.
but can that one certificate GUARANTEE me a comfortable life? can it guarantee me that my life would be much smoother? .........no? it cant? cuz these paper qualifications. 185121324651321 others have also. alot of successful people came to where they are now without these paper qualifications. i know that one will forever be learning. knowledge will never end. u can never say that you have finished learning. cuz every new day is a lesson by itself. through these scrapes and fall, you pick yourself up to be a better person.
but most of the stuff that they teach us in school are not applicable. not applicable in life. school does not teach you how to be a person. of what dignity and pride is. it doesnt. it doesnt teach you to love your fellow mates. to show concern for the unfortunate. maybe through CIP and yada yada yada. but do you really think that these so called CIP teach the students of the real meaning of suffering. of misfortune. students tend to take it for granted. that its something they are OBLIGED to do. the academics they teach us in school... these are not lessons for life. half of it we dun even remember after we take the exams. if thats how they assess intelligence. den i'm sorry. its the wrong way. its just wrong to judge someone's intelligence on their academics.
smart people are usually the scrupulous ones. usually the ones who scheme. they think they're high and mighty. usually the ones who's been casted as the "lesser intelligent ones" are the ones who are more down-to-earth and in touch with the world. they know what misery is. to be looked down upon.
it feels good to be judged as one of the smart ones. but think of how it feels to be one of those who are thought of by the society as the "lesser intelligent ones". just because someone is in poly and not in jc, does not mean that they are a lesser human. it does not mean that they should be looked down upon. it doesnt mean anything. dont assume that someone's STUPID just cuz they are not in a school for smarter students.
i have no idea why i'm typing out all these gibberish. but sometimes i just feel that life's ever so UNFAIR. who ever said it was fair should be shot. so frustrated with life. everyone's just too caught up with their own lives that they never ever open their eyes to the real world. the real world. suffering. misery. famine. wars.
sometimes even i find myself a victim of this blatant ignorance. but there's so much more to life. and i should work on to make it better. for myself. for everyone.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
*nurul
pls..... PUHLEASE..... remind me again why i'm at home wif my mom? -pulls out hair!!! she's being impossibly unreasonable. one of her days again. GAHH. someone should just spare me the agony and stab me. or rather stab HER. and spare ALL OF US the agony. hoho. -grins.
sucha lazy pig i am. having one of my lazy days again. been sleeping the whole day off. sigh. this is bad. there's this wiggly feeling in me that keeps shrieking "YOUR PRELIMS! YOUR PRELIMS! TWO WEEKS LEFT! HURRY UP LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STUDYYYY!" like a fcuking broken tape recorder. it keeps repeating and repeating. darnnnn.
aad was horrid. i think the most happening fun fair would have to be the one two years ago. everything was much nicer when i was in sec 2. =/ everything's just getting suckier in crescent. the culture's dying off. i remember how the seniors were so much MORE happening. more crazier. now the juniors are like all so YUCKS? haha. all too guai for deir own good. should be more rebellious laaaa. aad was soooo uber boring. IT WAS HORRIBLE. gahh.
rather freakaleeq afternoon. =/ i would never wanna relive it. but it turned out fine in the end. sucha relief. haha.
anyways, my grown up christmas list is sucha sweet song. (: -smiles